I went to see a shaman 2008 to have a soul retrieval done. After doing many purifying, protecting and healing rites around me, she called the spirits into the room to ask if any one of them was a missing part of my soul. The power of her voice, the vibration of her notes was incredible. It reached deep inside me. The Shaman found herself in a beautiful wooded glade, in dappled sunlight. The soul ‘part’ that wanted to be retrieved and returned to my body appeared to her from out of the trees in the form of a young girl standing behind a deer. The Shaman understood her to be my childhood self, whom I had buried away long ago. She spoke to the girl, who softly and hesitantly replied, seemingly afraid of the brash world she was about to enter. She had a very definite question to ask me.
If she was going to return to me, she wanted to know whether I was prepared to put my bare feet onto the cool grass each and every day. She needed the answer before deciding whether to come back to me or not. She needed me to acknowledge and remember her by making sure I did a small and random ‘act’ of joyfulness each day.
I said yes, so she came back.
The most amazing thing about that day was that when I came home from the retrieval that evening, my eldest daughter had drawn me a picture, which she presented to me as I walked through the door.
It was a picture of me with my arms around a deer.
Since then, I have tried to live my life in a way that allows me to get closer to nature, that allows me to touch my feet on the bare grass every day and this blog has become a map of that journey back there, towards where my deerchild resides again. In connecting with her, I witness a slow re-awakening to all that it simple, joyous and innocent about my life and my children are leading me every step of the way.
I let the world enfold me with its power, I realigned myself to a higher vibration. It still astounds me even now; the strength we can tap into, which largely remains forgotten as we ‘get busy’ with our every day lives. And this power exists everywhere we care to cast our eyes or bodies. It is all about – very simply – switching off to the ego, the chatter, the busy-ness, the loud and disturbing distractions of modern life, the destructive thoughts and switching on to subtler vibrations and sensations, a slower way of being. We have to let go of all the conditioning we learnt as children in this modern society and making the mind-shift, flexing our rigid ‘assemblage points’ again.
I also learned how to believe in the magic of the world again, believing in connections, synchronous acts, the ability of the body and spirit to channel these essences. Nature showed me how to believe in my inner strength again, as I did when I spent hours in trees as a child, or staring out of the window at night at a full moon over the roof tops, the scene magnified a hundred-fold by my wide and passionate eyes.
I feel all this brings me back to something which I hold so close to my heart: the primal world. I use this world as a source of inspiration in everything I do. I yearn to return to and embrace this ‘simple (ab) original life’ with passion – great passion. That other world, which aligns itself fully to a more essential and raw way of being, holds me beguiled. Draws me in. A world I have been trying to penetrate all my life and just now, have gotten nearer to than ever before.
I would love, one day, to ‘go the whole hog’ and return to the land to live with native people for a while (the lands of Scandinavia, Iceland and Mongolia have a great affinity with my heart). Share their songs and laughter, their stories and world views. This is something I know will be the ‘grand return’ home. I feel ancient songs forming in my subconsciousness already and I am deeply involved in learning the music of the land, the campfire fables of the ancestors.
But for now, it is enough just to take small steps on the dewy grass with my deer child, learning all I can about her, about me, about life lived in simplicity, joy and love.
I just read this piece. Has this been up for a while?
Loved reading about your grande finale—the journey home—native people—and how you hear the ancient songs already!
I relate! I see myself in my final chapters as a rainmaker. Sitting in sand and deserts, connecting with all the sky forces and praying for rain. Having enough support in all ways [time, family, money, freedom, health] to travel the world to where it’s dry and parched. Just sit alone [or maybe with other humans?]surrounded by dry earth and with the lessons and understanding of energy/magic/oneness–call the wind and clouds and storms to please come blow nearby and give water to the ground.
For the last 20 yrs I have known this is my real purpose in my life. It supersedes all the others. More than being a mother or wife or designer or daughter or sister or anything else. It’s what my soul came here to do to feel present on the planet. Like you know the ancient songs already, I know that seeing rainbows will be something that thrills me each and every time. I know the rain will come. It just needs someone to call it…..And i need to gain as much wisdom and understanding from a long life before I get to that place. Yes, my grande finale will be about water and rainbows and ground. So funny to reveal something held so quiet and private. You must feel that all the time with this blog! Jesus christ!
I wonder if we all know our soul’s real work and purpose….and the details of our lives reflect the steps we took to get there.
we always know, we just have to listen to our hearts and then let go of the fear/obstacles that are stopping us from doing it – what a lovely lovely comment Lisa – can I visit you in your desert and bring the rain in with you?
We lived in Abu Dhabi for a while, and the rainy season there equals 16 spots of rain. When we were there they hadn’t had rain all winter and the official rainmakers were called in and everyone had to pray each evening for a month (until it rained) there were mass celebrations on the street when rain finally came – all 16 spots on car windscreens!
I found your link thru a yahoo group Im on ‘consensual living’ i think it was….and it was about dental regeneration.
However, your whole expression of primal life energy is so touching and your articulation of everything feels so much like my own way of percieving, I am compelled to comment, again!
I have been trying to realign myself lately, with my ‘souls journey’ or my ‘seed image’. Reading thru your own journey has sparked me in a way that I wasnt expecting. I have been immersed in this way of understanding and relating to ‘the world’ for a long time, but hadnt realized just how distant I had become from my own ‘story’, my own primal undulations.
Thank you for releasing your loving energy into the ethers, to reach anyone who taps into it, you have reawaken my own sense of magic.
Puella